My outdoor warrior

Chris bought a riding mower.
We really debated whether he should just start with a push mower, and see if he could do it.

Wanna guess how long it took him to mow our lawn with the riding mower? Two and a half hours.

Then he had to buy a push mower anyways, because the riding one can't handle some of the hills in our yard.

Wanna guess how long it took him to "detail" with the push mower? An hour and half.

I guess the days of just using a plug-in weed whacker are really gone. Pictures tomorrow!

Things are looking up!

At least a dozen times a day, Beth heaves a big sigh and declares, "This is the life!" It's safe to say that the girls are really enjoying our new pool, and all the fun stuff that comes with a big yard. And we are enjoying it, too, despite the fact that we are still as intimidated as all get-out everytime we poke around the flowers and bushes that are planted everywhere.

It's nice feel so at home here already. This house just feels right. There are still lots of boxes to unpack, walls to paint and pictures to hang, but everything here seems perfect. We love the train that comes by two or three times a day, the tip of it just glanced through the trees. We love the basement, cool and bright and cozy, and we love the kitchen, which is not perfect when it comes to counter space, but just begs everyone to gather together and hang out around the table.

Chris and I have taken to jumping into the pool, once the girls are tucked into bed, to swim a few laps and yesterday I took a break to hang on the side and look out over our new yard. The field behind us was literally sparkling with fireflies, and as I listened to the somehow cozy braying of our neighbors' goat (yes, I said our neighbors' goat) I pictured Beth's sunny little face and realized that she has it just right -- this is the life!

The hitchin' post

Wedding bells were ringing around here yesterday! Chris' sister spent her last morning sharing the same name as me, and it was one heck of a day. Everything was really very nice, the flowers and dresses, decorations and reception -- it was all beautiful and fun. But I've noticed that some weddings can be spot on when it comes to all the periphery - food, planning, all the bells and whistles -- and they still can't compare in any way to the ones centered around a couple who are just clearly in love and clearly eager to devote the rest of their lives to each other. There is just a special spark to everything when the priorities are right, when the priorities are on, well, getting married instead of putting on a really kicking party. The ceremony, the couple themselves, the very air that affects the kind of enjoyment the guests have are all brightened, clarified, infused with a type of beauty that is kind of like the difference in scenery on a particularly sunny day.

That being said, Dante and Becky's wedding was really beautiful. In every possible way. While watching them exchanging vows on the alter, I was - to paraphrase Anne of Green Gables - just filled with deep-down, bottom-of-the-heart gladness.

All of this joy and sunny-happy-la-la-la, though, was for Chris and I filtered through a jumble of chaos and frustration at the hands of our children. They were really pretty good, the move and the cancer and all things considered.....But..........big old sigh, it was a tough afternoon. Abbie seems to have developed a fear of crowds, my guess being that, to her, any stranger could plausibly suddenly spring some sleeping gas on her, leaving her to yet again wake up with more boo-boos that she doesn't understand. From that perspective, her behavior makes sense, but it was still frustrating. We had been so hopeful that she would be okay, that we would be able to dance and be silly as a family together, that Chris and I could have snuck in a slow dance here or there, that visiting and talking with people who are hardly ever seen but much thought of would be easy and enjoyable.........but it all was just not possible, given the uptight and cranky baby who couldn't decide what might make the evening bearable. The real killer, though, was that right as Abbie finally calmed down and realized that a wedding can be fun, right as she turned back into her sweet self and we began to enjoy ourselves, Claire flashed me a surprised look and then puked all over herself.

That was bad enough, but I actually managed to clean her up pretty well, and as we headed back into the reception room I told myself that there was no real harm done, and that we would manage to squeak through the last hour or so just fine. But - silly me - the first vomit was just a preliminary, and the second left us with no choice but to cut our losses and go home.

So, although neither of us will ever be reconciled to the fact that we missed seeing Dante and Becky off, hopefully with time all the happiness and beauty of the day will remain and the frustrations will fade somewhat, leaving us laughing at our dumb luck and the ticklish stomaches of our children that so often propel us away from social situations before we're ready to go.

And what I will really laugh about, in the future, is the tense and embarrassed conversation I had with Claire, during the gospel reading, about a foot from the priest, when she suddenly had the desperate need to discuss how much wedding cake she could have. Let's just say that #1- she was not happy with the amount of time she was going to have to endure before said cake, and #2- God was clearly not happy with her priorities, because when the much anticipated cake did come, it certainly did her no good.

Home Sweet Home

Here is a view of our new backyard, taken from the deck of our new pool! :-)

Things were finally worked out on Friday, and we moved that night. We are starting to settle in somewhat now, and you know what? Despite the pain of getting here, when the girls and I ate breakfast this morning on our deck, listening to the birds chirping and feeling a nice breeze blowing across our yard, it all seems worth it.

Abbie is doing well, she had her second dose of chemo yesterday without incident. She was well anti-nausea-drugged up, and we've had no problems yet this time. Right now we are feeling very upbeat and hopeful, and this whole mess seems absolutely manageable. Our biggest worry right now is how to work letting Abbie swim, since we don't want to have to change her dressing too often, but it needs to be changed whenever she gets wet. In the scheme of things, this is by no means a terrible problem to have. :)

Chris' sister is getting married this weekend, so our focus is shifting somewhat this week from our own insanity to hers. Another good problem! I'll update with more pictures of the house as I #1 - get the time and #2 - unpack enough to have some decent pictures. In the meantime, here's another picture of the yard, with three happy little girls about to jump into our new pool for the first time.

Timeline of Torture

Here's a rough estimate of how things have gone down with our move. Keep in mind that in between the points I list here are countless other irritations and frustrations, but to list them all would take about a week.

• May17 we put an offer in on a house. This is the day Abbie is diagnosed with a brain tumor
• May 21 - we hear from our agent that the offer has been accepted. The ball is set to begin rolling on Tuesday the 13 of June.
• Abbie's broviac surgery is scheduled for June 12. The hospital assures us that they will get us out of there in time to close on our house.
• June 12- while in the OR waiting room, we hear the the closing on our house has been cancelled. After much discussion, a new date is set for June 14, in the morning, before we close on our new house.
• June 13- the closing on our house is again cancelled. We again reschedule everything for later the next day.
• June 14 - the closing is AGAIN cancelled. At this point, our house is full of family who have come to help us move. We spend the day putzing around the half-empty house. Chris goes on the offensive, taking over for our realtor and negotiating everything himself. We are hopeful that things will be fixed by the next day, and we decide to keep the movers we hired, and ask them to hold our stuff overnight if need be.
• June 15 - Both closings are scheduled for this afternoon, after Chris literally tracks down the selling agent using the internet, and shows up at her office. He speaks to everyone involved, including the lender of the guy buying our house. He learns nothing good about our own agent. ONE HOUR before the scheduled closing on our house, it is again cancelled.
• We are now just waiting to see what happens. For now we are scheduled to close on our house tomorrow, but who really believes that? We have not heard back from the selling agent on the house we wanted to buy, so who knows if that will go through??? The movers are booked through the weekend, so if we can't move into a new house tomorrow, they will have to re-move our stuff back into our old house.
• If things do not go through tomorrow, we are not going to move at all. We will cancel both house sales, and just unpack back into our old, cramped, but now sparklingly clean townhouse.

I think we've cycled through a few of the stages of grief, landing us in "complete ambivilance to everything" with an occasional occurance of "angry enough to chew off the nose of the next person to look cross-eyed at us."

Have a good night! I'm off to lay down on our bare floor and pretend to sleep while gnashing my teeth to a fine white powder.

Baby is fine, house is a mess

This is a tough post to write because I am really, really angry. I mean seeing-red-wish-we-were-still-in-Old-Testament-times-so-that-we-could-do-some-smiting angry.

First off, though, Abbie is doing just fine!

The broviac was put in on Monday, and she was given her first chemo dose on Tuesday afternoon. The delay (from Mon to Tues) was due to the pharmacy in the hospital dragging their feet on getting the meds to us, irritating, but not a huge deal in the scheme of things. Abbie was pretty sick Tuesday night; she threw up for the first time around 8pm and didn't really stop until 5 the next morning. Once we had established that she wasn't dehydrated (I think that extra day on the IV probably helped us here,) the hospital ordered some anti-nausea meds for her, and they worked like a charm. So right now she is happily watching tv in the living room, munching on Cheerios.

It's a big relief to have the chemo start off so uneventfully, and I really wish that I could say the same for our plans to move, but......We were supposed to close on our house on Tuesday, it is now Friday and we are no nearer the end than we were a week ago. Due to some really extreme imcompetence on the part of our real estate agent, along with the stupidity of the buying agent and the evilness (oh yes, the evilness) of the selling agent, we may not move after all.

This all began with a call Chris recieved in the OR waiting room, during Abbie's surgery, and things very swiftly went downhill from there. As you might imagine they would, when your agent decides to drop a bomb on you while you are waiting for your daughter to get out of surgery. At this point, I have no idea what is going to happen; Chris is about to morph into Mad Max today and we'll see what he is able to accomplish.

My only question right now, though, is -- Does anybody know of a real estate agent who is not either incompetent or evil? Because from this vantage point, looking over the real estate landscape looks very similar to the way I imagine Hell.

Today.....

......I am so thankful for family. Uncle Mike, Colleen and Aunt Patty showed up here last night, and today they packed up the entire house in one fell swoop. And more re-enforcements are at this moment on the way to help with the unpacking!

.....I felt so guilty as I carried my sweet baby up to her crib, as she teasingly pointed out her "stinky feet," knowing that tomorrow she will be so upset to find herself back at the hospital. This poor baby, who is beginning to really recover from her last surgery, only to be hurt again tomorrow. This surgery is such a little thing, and I have been calm about it all week. But tonight, watching her giggle without any worries, it just feels like it is too much -- too much to yet again starve her all day and then end it by terrifying and hurting her. We have to do it, we would be bad parents if we didn't, but I just wish it didn't feel like we are bad parents because we do.

permissive parenting?

Abbie's PT came yesterday, just in time to witness her take a temper tantrum with gusto. She wanted to play in the exersaucer but I said, "No," because I didn't want her to be tired out before the physical therapy session. She was unhappy with this answer, and right at that minute came the knock on our door. When Abbie recognized it as the guy who had been poking her earlier in the week, she absolutely lost it.

So, at least he was able to witness her new ability to roll onto her stomach from her back (with the added enhancement of kicking legs and wailing). The best thing, though, the thing that made me almost giddy with happiness was when she slapped me.

I don't in general condone hitting around here -- in fact, I bet the girls would claim that I am pretty adamantly against it. But on Monday, when the PT was testing Abbie's arm strength, all she could do was cry, "all done! all done!" while her arm hung limply in his hands. Today, she pushed him with her other hand, twisted herself to get away from him, and then in anger flailed out at me, slapping me right on the forehead. I looked over at Chris, and the expression on his face exactly expressed how I felt.

He was smiling, almost laughing.
She slapped me!
We are so proud!

Chemo update

Monday is the day, officially. We'll go in, have the broviac inserted, and then Abbie will be given her first dose of chemotherapy. We'll be kept overnight so that they can monitor her reaction and train us in maintaining the broviac (which should get her good and angry.)

And then -- back home just in time to close on our current house, finish packing and move.

Pity Party

So, all day yesterday and today I have been doing all of the necessary address-switching and turn on/turn off-ing, ect in preparation for our move next week. Let me repeat -- I spent ALL DAY YESTERDAY AND TODAY doing this. I was laughing this morning with Chris about how I've already memorized our new address.

To find out that the real estate agent for our new house LIED about the zip code so that the house would pop up as a swankier location. So the zip code I was using ALL DAY YESTERDAY AND TODAY is wrong. Which means that I have to do it all, all over again.

I really need a drink.

Wanna see something amazing?

Behold the power of the exersaucer!!! Vanessa, I can't thank you enough for lending this to us! It wasn't in our house five minutes before Abbie was sqawking to be put in it, and she wasn't in it four seconds before she stood up and remained standing while playing with the yellow duck! The physical therapist recommended this to us, and boy! was he right. She spent a good half an hour in there (about 20 minutes longer than we've been able to get her to sit upright at one time before), and was spinning herself around by the end.

To everyone who last saw Abbie in the week following her operation -- can you believe these pictures??? I can hardly believe them myself.

Miracle? I couldn't say for sure, but from this end it's looking suspicious.

At last!

A long, long awaited event has finally taken place here ................


Katie lost her first tooth!

She has been growing her big teeth behind her stubborn baby ones for a few months now, and I was beginning to despair that they would ever come out on their own. We actually had an appointment with the dentist, where I anticipated some forced tooth removal, but we had to cancel it due to the issues with Abbie.

So I'm grateful for this, at least! She was very brave, and let Chris pull it out this morning after he realized that it was hanging on by a thread. And now we just have to wait for the tooth fairy!

So does anyone know where to buy a tooth pillow?

First appointment with PT

Abbie had her first PT session at home this morning, and it went really well. She was still pretty suspicious of the guy, but he was able to evaluate her and show me some excersises to do with her. We'll meet with him again later this week, but after testing her reflexes and watching while I tried to make her support herself on her feet some, he believes that she could be walking in a matter of weeks. I am just so happy to hear this!!! So keep up the prayers, and hopefully she'll be on the right track soon!

Oh, and for the record, I haven't been given a date yet for the broviac placement. I have a sinking feeling that it is not going to happen until next week -- just in time for our move. Hooray.

Dangerous

I've already packed away most of the girls' clothes, so it's sometimes tough to find weather-appropriate, clean, matching outfits for one or two of them. The only shorts I have for Abbie this morning are purple, so I ended up having to open a box of clothes to find a shirt to match it. After digging around in the box a bit, the only one I came up with was one with the words "I'M THE BIG SISTER" printed across the front.

The words were just the right shade of purple, and I really thought about putting it on her.

But then I really thought about putting it on her.

Matching is overrated. She can wear green.

Abbie before and after sugery

I can't get these dumb pictures in the right order, so I'll just say which are which. The picture with Abbie in a peach shirt on the phone is from the night before her surgery. The closeup of her face is 2 days post-op. The one with Beth is the same day, when we celebrated Beth's 5th bday in the hospital. The one with Abbie in a wagon is the from the day before we were discharged from the hospital. She really, really loved being pulled around in that wagon. I mean, really loved it. Chris once spent a solid two and a half hours pulling her around the hosptial!

First appt with oncology

Abbie is going to be set up with what is called a broviac in the next week or two. It's sort of like an IV line that is surgically implanted into a larger vein, so that she won't have to be re-stuck every time she goes in for chemo or has to have bloodwork done. This is pretty standard for chemo patients, and I'll be grateful to not have to hold her down anymore while people poke around her veins trying to find one that works.

So, chemo treatments start this coming week or the next, depending on when they can schedule the broviac placement. We had been hoping to have a little more time before starting all of this, but her doctor feels that it is just too risky, because the tumor is so close to her breathing and swallowing centers.

The good news is that the tumor is grade 1, and her chemo treatments are going to be on the far end of low on the spectrum. So there is a chance that she will stay healthy (and keep her hair) for the entire duration. It's one of those things that we will just have to wait and see about -- she may tolerate the medication very well, or she may get some of the side effects (nausea, lethargy, weakened immunity, hair loss). There is no way to really predict it, unfortunately.

Hopefully I'll hear today about when she'll be scheduled for the broviac. It is considered a surgery, and we may need to be admitted for a day so that they can train us on maintaining it, etc. We'll see. The PA mentioned being admitted several times, but the actual doctor didn't seem to think it was a given.

In case you haven't heard....

- Two weeks ago, Abbie was diagnosed with a benign fibrillary astrocytoma (probably spelled wrong). It is a tumor that reaches from her brain stem down into her spine.
-We were admitted immediately to Children's National Hospital in DC, where we were told that she needed surgery to at least biopsy the tumor, and remove as much of it as was possible.
-The tumor is actually embedded in her spinal cord, so it was likely that she would sustain major damage from surgery.
-She was operated on on a Friday, and 80% of the tumor was removed, without any major damage. The unofficial word was that it was benign.
-Her arms and trunk are very weak, but functioning, after surgery. It is going to take some physical therapy, but she will eventually regain everything back.
-We are home now, and resting, and glad to be out of the hospital! (Although, everyone there was really incredible.)
-She will need chemotherapy to shrink the tumor that remains in her brain, but it will be on an out-patient basis, and the chemo will be low-dose. It shouldn't take more than a year.

Busy couple of weeks. Keep us in your prayers!

Am I that cranky?

Note left for me from Katie:

I love you no matter what you do I still love you

love, Katie

It's been a busy time

Well! I am sorry about the long break I took from this blog, but I have some very good reasons.

Reason #1 -

Chris and Dante, with some help from Dan, put in a beautiful new wood (laminate) floor in our living room! It is absolutely gorgeous, and it somehow magically makes the rest of the house look much nicer, too. (That may also be due, in part, to the frantic cleaning, purging, and packing I've been doing, though.)

Reason #2

We have been extremely, almost obsessively, preoccupied with the little nest of hatchling on our deck. We monitored the mommy robin while she laid an egg a day for four days, and then stalked her (through the glass door) throughout the two weeks it took her to hatch her little birdies. The four baby birds have just begun to grow feathers now, and they chirp impatiently with open beaks while they wait to be fed. The girls have named them after Katie's current Narnia obsession: Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy.

Reason #3

Our house is for sale! Actually, it is almost sold!!!! I don't want to count our chickens before they're hatched (appropriate analogy, given our current bird-watching), but we have a buyer and we are very close to closing the contract. :-) If this goes through, our house will have been on the market a mere day and a half!

And Reason #4, which is the most serious and least positive is this:

Abbie has had a very seriously strained neck for going on three months, and we've been running her all over town to figure out what the deal is. In the meantime, she has been getting worse and worse -- at this point, she can barely move her head from side to side, and she won't move her head up at all. So she is walking around with hunched shoulders, her chin close to her chest.

She has an MRI next week, which will hopefully provide us with some answers. So please say a prayer for her!

So, things are looking to continue on in this hectic way for quite a while, but I promise to try and update this more often. :)

Oh, and the fish?

They're dead.