My zombies are the coolest!

I wrote an article about zombies for my Examiner column, (you can see it here ) but I couldn't find any relevant pictures through Examiner's AP feed. In the end, we did an impromptu makeup session and zombie photo shoot in the front yard, and some of the pictures are just too good to keep to myself! I could only include three in the actual article, so here are the best of the rest. The girls were really, really into it.

This last one is my absolute favorite. Look at that commitment! Abbie is a natural!

Jellybeans and little girls

Do you see this jellybean cannister? Imagine five girls standing around it, salivating. Coveting. Sort of like this:

I bought the jellybeans for Chris. Anything that qualifies as a treat around here has a tendency to....disappear. Quickly. The girls are a lot like locusts when it comes to sugar. So, because I bought the jellybeans for my hardworking husband and wanted him to be able to eat a few, I put a strict prohibition on the jellybeans. They are only for BOYS.

The girls can't take it. They are dying of desire. They have not, however, touched the jellybeans. They gather around the jar, look longingly at its contents, repeatedly wonder aloud how the various colors might taste...but they don't touch them. They respect the Daddy's right to his own treat.

But let's talk about Lucy. She is a wonder and a worry to me, in that order. I marvel at how self-assured she is, how little she cares what others are doing or thinking, how confident she is in her place in the world. I can't believe this little firebrand shares genes with me. I can't believe that I had a hand in bringing this force of nature into existence. While the other girls were tip-toeing around the jellybeans, Lucy studied them long and hard. Then, a few days after their arrival, she came to a decision.

Chris and I were in the basement when she came halfway down the stairs and stopped to confront us. "I am share Daddy's beans, " she announced, looking expectantly at Chris.

Her gaze was unflinching and steely.

He stood up and went to get her some beans.


How could he not? "I am share Daddy's beans," she said, and she meant it. It wasn't a question, it wasn't a request, it was a statement. Concise and unconquerable. Just like Lucy.

Watch out, world, because your jellybeans are next.

Adding to the resume....

Two things:

1- I was just hired to work in the bakery of our local grocery store part-time! I am excited, nervous, worried, curious and about a million other feelings all at once. My first day is Monday, and I'll let you know how it goes. With a little luck, I'm hoping to work the schedule so that I am away from the girls as little as possible.

2- I've begun writing a freelance-ish column for a local website. The link is on my blogroll to the left. I'm enjoying this quite a bit, although it's not exactly lucrative work.

Life is a funny thing, and can take you all sorts of places you never expected to go. One thing you can always count on, though is this: it's always interesting!

Zombie Groundhog

We had a wild time in the fake country tonight.

I am warning you now: the stuff below is not for the squeamish.

Chris and I were cooking dinner in the kitchen, and the girls were all playing outside with the neighbor kids. Suddenly, Beth came shrieking up the hill from the playset, and barreled into the kitchen yelling, "Groundhog! Groundhog!"

"Where?" Chris asked, looking out the window. Beth explained that they had been playing on the slide, when somebody noticed a large, furry animal sitting at the bottom.

"What did it do when you saw it?" Chris asked.
"Uh, not really anything," said Beth. "It just sort of sat there and looked at us, like this." With that, she did a pretty spot-on groundhog imitation, with her paws held up to her face.

So Chris got his shotgun (a.k.a. the child-sized critter-killin' machine from WalMart) and sped off down the hill where the kids were all gathered together, watching the groundhog who was indeed crouched beside the slide.

Chris could tell immediately that something was wrong with the animal, so he did what needed to be done. When it was over, we all crowded around the dead groundhog. One of the neighbor kids asked if Chris could turn it over, because she thought that it might have only one arm, so Chris turned it over and...

Oh, wow. Are you ready for this?
It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. Half of the groundhog's belly was covered in maggots. Maggots. You can see them in the picture above. The groundhog was literally being eaten alive before Chris put an end to it.

So we buried the dead, and we were all relieved to have it out of sight.

Out of mind is another matter, though.

The fake country can be a pretty brutal place.

I love Lucy

Yesterday was "Family Fun Night" at the girls' school, so we reluctantly (we hate mingling) packed up and headed on over to have some pizza and awkward conversation.

I am so glad that we did.

They were playing music in the gym, and Claire almost immediately took up residence on the dance floor with her best friend. Not long after, Lucy joined her and it was one of those sights that I will remember for the rest of my life. Claire and Lucy danced. And danced. And danced. While other kids came and went, joined in and wandered away, the two of them stuck together and boogied like there was no tomorrow. Every other kid out there was easily twice the size of Lucy, but she couldn't have cared less. She did the funky chicken, she shook her hips and she hopped around without a care in the world. At one point, she decided to wriggle around on the floor, and I watched as Claire positioned herself over her crazy baby sister to keep the other kids from stepping on her. Lucy, however, was just lost in her own world. When a conga-line formed Abbie, who had joined in with Katie, was stiff and awkward, whispering (loudly) to Chris, "I don't want to touch that boy" (in front of her.) She was nervous around all those big kids. Not Lucy. Claire and Lucy joined up, and Lucy funky-chickened her way around the gym without a care in the world.

Later, when we went out to gather the older girls from the playground, Lucy began to pester me to let her go down the playground slide.

"I don't know," I told her, eying the chaos in the dark, "There are a lot of big kids there, Lucy, and they're being pretty crazy."

Lucy patted my shoulder, "Don't worry, " she said. "I strong, Momu."

(Momu is her new nickname for me. I can't get her to stop using it. It rhymes with "Shamu.")

There's nothing more to say about this kid, really. "I strong" she says. And she should know: nobody is more confident in their place in the world than my little Lu.

Weekend Getaway

Chris and I just came back from a long weekend away.
It was beautiful.
And peaceful.
And fun!

We took long walks on the beach, played in the waves like a couple of teenagers, stayed up late every night and slept in as long as we wanted to.

It was a perfect weekend. Perfect. I'll remember this forever (and not just because we barely escaped a shark attack. It's true. I think. But that's a story for another day.)

We are home now, and it was so wonderful to see the girls tumbling out of the house to see us! I missed them so much! But, wow! They are noisy.

It is great to be back home, but it was great to get away.

Jasper

Jasper.

I love this dog. Despite the fact that about half of what I've ever said about him has been in complaint, still....I love him. He is a sweet, sweet, sweetheart of a dog. He loved the kids. He loved them, even though he was constantly, accidentally, knocking them over.


He was especially good with Abbie. I ultimately have no explanation for why, but among Jasper's virtues, gentleness was not one of them. He was gentle with Abbie, though, laying beside her all the time, barely moving, his eyes on her and his tail happily thumping.

It was time to admit defeat, though.
We failed.
There's no way to whitewash it.
Jasper needed space to run in, but he couldn't do it here. Here, he could jump over the fence at will and run off chasing cars. We couldn't take him outside unless he was on leash, which meant that he couldn't run at all.

There are other things, too: there were too many toys, and he couldn't learn to leave them alone. He destroyed everything he touched, and so as time went on he spent more and more time in the kitchen, because that was the only way we could keep him from breaking the toys.

The truth is, he just wasn't a good fit for us right now. We tried to make it work, because we did love him, but nobody was happy.

So yesterday, Chris drove Jasper back to the farm he was born on and the breeder assured us that she has a family already waiting to take him. They've always had two dogs, and last year both of their dogs (both Chessies) died. They have a puppy now, but wanted an older dog as well, one who was already house-trained. They have three kids. The kids are all older, their youngest is the same age as our oldest.

I am so glad they have kids. Jasper really loves kids.




So here we are. We had our cry out yesterday, and now the house feels weird and quiet.

We love you, Jasper. I'm so glad we were able to find a good situation for you, but I am so, so sorry that it wasn't here.

Request from the kids (reason #2 I didn't mind turning 33)

Katie, who now makes a point of reading the blog over my shoulder as I write posts, has asked me why I put up a post about Chris' birthday gift to me and did not put up a post talking about the girls' gifts.

She has a point. So here it is! (Shh! Quick while Katie isn't looking)

My eldest daughter, showing her true colors as well as her maturity, disappeared the Sunday afternoon before my birthday, emerging about an hour later with a mysterious request that I meet her upstairs. I finished whatever it was I was doing and went up the stairs.....to see a sparklingly clean top floor! Katie had straighted and cleaned the entire floor all by herself. I was so touched, both that she put so much effort into it and that she would have even have the idea in the first place. She's some kid. I seriously can't believe someone like her managed to be born to someone like me.

The second big birthday gift was an original song by Beth and Claire. I loved it, and immediately made them sing it again for the camera so that I could post it. Enjoy!

The reason I didn't mind turning 33

This is going back a few weeks now, but I have to talk about it. I can't not talk about it, and I can't not share these fuzzy, grainy photos.
Be glad if you don't live near us, because we are forcing everyone we encounter to scroll through the 30 or so pictures Chris has on his phone. We know it's obnoxious, but we can't stop ourselves.

The above picture is a covert shot of the guy who set the stage for the single most amazing meal we have ever had in our lives. For my birthday this year, Chris reserved two seats at the best table in this up and coming Frederick restaurant. It's called Table 21, and it is set right in the kitchen so that you can see all the action. Did I mention that it is called Table 21? Do you wanna guess why? They serve you 21 courses.

Heaven, man. Heaven has got to be at least a little something like this.

The food was amazing. Amazing! I have been very snobbish about the whole molecular gastronomy movement, but at Volt we were served some truly unique, inventive and delicious courses that rocked my preconceptions.

The couple sitting beside us (Table 21 serves four per night) were vegetarians, so it was especially interesting to see what they were getting as opposed to what we were getting. I'll tell you what, becoming a vegetarian never looked so good.

Carrot sphere with cardamom and ginger

But when this came, oh I thanked God for the wonder that is pig:
Iberico cross pork belly with cranberry beans, mostarda

If I were going to be executed tomorrow, this is what I would order for my last meal. I'd never had pork belly before, although I had heard about it, and let me tell you this: pork belly lives up to the hype.

This next one actually made Chris clap his hands and bounce in his seat:
Foie gras torchon, bing cherries, vanilla brioche, pistachio soil

I say the vegetarian dishes were awesome, and they were, but I can only put five pictures in this post and I couldn't resist throwing this one in:
Pineland farm beef strip loin, creamed corn, soy beans, garlic

Do you see that thin, papery sheet laying against the beef? That's the garlic. I don't know how they did it, I don't know why they thought of it, but it was delicious. It literally melted into the tenderly cooked, luscious beef as you took a bite and added a fun little kick of garlic, the perfect amount.

We had heard really good things about Volt since it opened last year, but we hadn't had the chance to get there yet. When we read that the chef was going to be a contestant on Top Chef, though, we started to worry. The chef seemed like the real deal, and we wanted a chance to get into his restaurant while the plebes still could...

I can't tell you how glad I am that we did. Top Chef has started now, and let me tell you.....this guy will knock your socks off. I think there is a really, really good chance that he will win. I think there is a really, really good chance that by this time next year you will need divine assistance to score a seat at Table 21.

There is an almost undefinable focus and humility that all the best chefs seem to have in common, and this guy has it in spades. The night we went to Volt was the night after the premiere of the TC season, and there was a steady stream of giggly women asking to talk to him He would smile and nod....and then go about his thing. At one point, there was a slight hitch in the rhythm of the kitchen and the chef brought our next course to us before our last plates had been cleared. This guy owns the restaurant, he is a burgeoning foodie rock-star; you'd think he'd call the bus-boy over to clear the plates. No. He set the hot plates down, came and cleared our dishes away himself, and then went back and got the next course.
That is humility, and dedication, and service. I was hooked. I loved the food, I liked the atmosphere, but I really respected the chef.

Watch Brian Voltaggio on Top Chef. Root for him! Meanwhile, I can't thank my husband enough. It was the best birthday gift ever. It's a rare and precious thing to have the opportunity to glimpse something really and truly special.

Back to School (or How Anne of Green Gables deceived me)

Sorry for the long silence. It has been a busy few weeks, but here I am to report that the first week back was a resounding success! The girls all seem to enjoy their respective teachers and classes, and we're off to a smooth start.

Yesterday, though....

Yesterday was a different story. It was the official Back-To-School Night, where the parents get to sit for hours listening to things that could be communicated in the span of three minutes, and the teachers get to learn where all the annoying habits of their students come from. I joined the "hospitality committee" this year, which is a fancy way of saying I bring food. Since all baking these days must be used as preparation for my sister's wedding cake in November, I decided to make cupcakes decorated in the school colors, with tiny roses on top.

This is where Anne of Green Gables let me down.

I grew up loving the series. Loving it. I loved the way Anne did things just like me, forgetting things and having crazy things happen to her....I was never responsible for having a mouse drown in cream, but I did once leave the garage door open, leaving me an easy scapegoat for the mouse that appeared a few days later. I also never fell through a roof, but I routinely ran out of gas while driving my grandparents' boat around Deep Creek, leaving me (and my passengers: Kelli, Julie, Shannon, Ange - I'm sorry) stranded at the mercy of strangers. The awesome thing about Anne, though, was that as she grew older she grew out of her ditsy ways. By the time she was a mother she was gracious, relaxed and serene. I felt confident that my future would be the same.

Fast forward to yesterday. I began decorating the cupcakes around noon, thinking that I could drop them off at the school right before classes let out and surprise the girls with a car-ride home. It wasn't to be, however, because I am incapable of gauging time correctly. By four o'clock I was frantic and the kitchen was covered in frosting, and I was still not done. To make things worse, Chris came into the kitchen and immediately burst into laughter. He was laughing so hard he couldn't tell me why, he just directed me to the bathroom mirror. I went in and looked at myself. I looked at my lips, then my teeth, then my tongue. They were all a deep, violent shade of blue. I should not have licked that spoon.

I brushed my teeth like mad, to no avail, then realized that I was just going to have to accept the fact that I was about to face an entire school full of judgemental parents...with a blue mouth.

I packed up the cupcakes and asked Katie to help me load them into the car. Despite my blue mouth (and, actually, green fingers -- the cupcakes were blue with yellow flowers), I felt proud of the cupcakes. They looked cute, and I congratulated myself on cleverly decorating them in the school colors. I said as much to Katie as she helped me out, and she looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"Um, Mom, " she said, "The school colors are blue and red."

Oh. So, as it turns out, I decorated the cupcakes in visually unappealing colors and covered myself in bizarre stains for no reason at all. I was all set to really impress the PTA crowd.

Anne Shirley would never have done that. Where did I go wrong? Is this my fault, or is it the fault of Mrs. Montgomery, who should have known that flighty little girls grow into flighty little adults? I'm going to blame Anne. And hope that the parents of my kids' friends don't hold it against them when their mother can't pull herself together.

Family Fun!

Rockband.

I've talked about it enough, it's time for you to see what all the fuss is about because this game...this game is just so much fun. Here's Beth, singing one of her favorite songs, accompanied by her father and uncle (who, please notice, is hard to beat when it comes to those drums.) Enjoy! (We certainly do.)

(Edited to add: AAURGH! I have now spent a shameful amount of time trying to get this video on here, but it still isn't right. The full video is too big to upload, so I spliced it but although it looks fine on my computer I can't get it right on here. I'll try again later.)



I might, someday, if I thought you could handle it, post a video of the girls rocking, and I do mean rocking out to Chop Suey. But I'm not sure you can handle it.

5 Star News

The girls occasionally put out their own paper, inspired by Little Women who were in turn inspired by Pickwick Papers. I love it, and today's edition was especially impressive. Enjoy!

A Reason to Celebrate
Turning 20
Today we are celebrating a most important 20th birthday, Andy Mlinek's. Katie: A man to look up to. Beth: Great uncle. Claire: He is a great jedi master. Abbie: He's the best godfather.

The woman of 5 children
August 24th is Becca Mlinek's birthday. As a mother and wife, 33 is a big step, a great one too. Katie: I could not love any other mother of mine. Beth: She's a very responsible mom and good hearted. Claire: I think mom's a very responsible mom of us and she loves us very much. Abbie: Mom is the best mom in the world, thank you.

Entertainment
Back to school
The three oldest Mlinek girls are going back to school. Katie: my new teacher, Mrs. Sharp, should be great. Beth: My teacher, Mrs. Turner, is going to be very nice. Katie had her. Claire: My teacher, Mrs. Little, Is going to be the nicest in the whole world.

A time for friends
Tomorrow, Katie is going to Morgan's house. Then next tuesday, Morgan will come here. Katie: I'm so excited!

Sports
The Brett Farve case
A long time ago, Brett Farve said he would not join the Vikings. But today we saw that he hadn't made up his mind fully. Today, Brett Farve said he would join them. Training camp already started! Katie: A man who can't make up his mind shouldn't play. He's ridiculous! Beth: Farve is so coo-coo in his head he should have a coo-coo bird in his head that makes up his mind. Claire: I think he's the worst ever, he drinks too much stuff that makes him crazy. Abbie: I think he should have a basket on his head full of laundry with 1,000 gallons of water. I'm serious.

Health
Claire's ear is hurting and going to the doctor tomorrow. Claire: It's painful, people!! It really hurts!!

Written by Katie Mlinek- president
Beth Mlinek: Reporter
Claire Mlinek: Suggestor
Abbie Mlinek: Apprentice

One more post of Williamsburg pictures, then I promise I'm done

Beth checking out the jail cell privacy.

Abbie pounding on the walls of her prison.

Lucy....showing some true colors.

Beth and Claire playing some colonial checkers.

More from Williamsburg

Every time we go anyplace, I like to hang back at least one to look at this. I love to watch Chris walk down the road surrounded by little girls, it's so adorable and it does my heart so much good that I can't resist it. The little white bonnets bobbing along just made it that much more adorable.

I also love it when the girls run to meet their Daddy. I love the relationship he has with them: they adore him, and he adores them. It's just so very right.

Claire's got a little snaggle-tooth action going. That tooth is going to go any moment now.

The girls enjoyed interacting with the people in Williamsburg.

I couldn't resist taking this picture on a random staircase.
Colonial Williamsburg is just a good place for pictures.

I am going to brag. You can't stop me.

Can you believe that these gorgeous creatures are related to me? I can't....

Weekend Away

We decided, kind of on the spur of the moment, to go away this past weekend and I am very glad we did. We are finally getting to a point in our family where weekend-getaways can actually be just that, instead of periods of prolonged frustration and occasional agony. The girls were angels in the car (no puking, even!) slept like logs in the hotel and we were all able to enjoy every excursion fully. I realized that a new day has dawned for us when we woke up that first morning in the hotel (at 9:30, amazingly!) and were able to get ourselves dressed and out the door in less than an hour. The only person I had to dress besides myself was Lucy, and the only teeth I needed to brush were my own. It was heaven. Heaven! Remembering vacations past, with the frantic dressing, diaper-changing, teeth-scrubbing, shoe-finding, toy-stashing....to have our very first easy morning while away was a vacation all in itself for me.

So it all began with a trip into VA to have dinner with some old friends, and their adorable, adorably chunky, and whip-smart little boy:

From there we went on to Willamsburg. We spent the first day at a public beach along the bay, and it was a perfect day. The girls swam,

played in the sand

and in general just enjoyed themselves. Chris and I even had a few free minutes to sit back on our towels and just soak in the peace, the quiet, and the contentment of a day at the beach.

The next day, we went to Colonial Williamsburg.

Where, first of all, we bought these ridiculously adorable hats, and secondly, we had a great time. It was super hot, and by the end of the day Abbie and Lucy had decidedly had enough, but the older girls loved it (naturally) and the younger two still held strong even when things were maybe a little over their heads.

A great time was had by all. And I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful it was to take a trip that was not soul-crushingly exhausting. Ahhh! As I said, I feel like we are entering a new phase in our family and I, for one, am loving it!

catchphrase

Kids pick up on all sorts of habits and idiosyncrasies you don't even know you have.

We were at the Raven's camp, watching from the sidelines when Abbie asked me if she could do something or other, and I said vaguely, "I'll consider it."

She sighed in frustration. "Why," she said pointedly to me, "do you have to consider everything?"

First rule of parenting: never ever ever ever ever ever, NEVER assume anything

I'm afraid this blog is becoming nothing but "Hey watch us swim!" and "Can you believe the disgusting things I have to deal with?"

I apologize, but this is my life.

So I woke up early this morning (yay me!) and took the dog for a walk before everyone else was up. With the way things go around here, though, I didn't get the chance to hop into the shower until 11:30. Lucy had a loaded diaper so I changed her and then sent her upstairs to play with her sisters. They were all playing happily up there when I made the fatal mistake. I assumed. I assumed that Lucy was all taken care of, I assumed that the next 20 minutes could safely be used for personal hygene.

I was in my bathroom getting dressed when I heard Claire's high-pitched scream from the floor above. I could hear the progression of her frantic voice as she made her way down the steps, through the kitchen, past the dog, and into my room. "Something really bad is happening!" she told me.

It was Lucy. Lucy and her diaper. Again.

Luckily I caught her very early on, so the cleanup was much easier. As I was scrubbing her off, she was crying, "I icky. I sorry. I sorry."
"No touching your diaper, you know that, Lucy!" I said to her, "Why did you do that?"

Through her tears, she sighed deeply and said, "I don't know."

I believe her. I think she really doesn't know why she does these things. I think she's compelled on some primal level that none of us could ever fully understand. So, the name of the game needs to be constant vigilance, and by that I mean constant vigilance. Someday this green-eyed little gem will be all grown up and we will sit around over coffee and laugh at her feral childhood. On that day I will really enjoy that coffee, too, because it will most likely be the first time in years that I'll have the chance to actually sit and savor something.

Summer

Why should I bother typing out some long, boring post when I can just upload a video that will show you exactly how the girls are doing?

The answer is: I shouldn't! Enjoy the video.

(Oh, and note Beth's comment at the end. It's scary how these kids have me all figured out.)

Jam Manifesto

Have you heard the expression, "You can't bottle happiness"? It's true. I've looked into it.

I have a secret for you, though. A secret formula:

First, you need wake up early one summer morning (anything before 9 is early for us in the summer. Don't be jealous, I've paid my dues.) Then you need to meet your mother-in-law and head off to a farm.

(Look, it's okay if the morning doesn't go perfectly. This formula will work even if you have issues getting out of the house because your dog thinks he is entitled to come along. It will work even if you also stop for gas and end up, in some bizarro-spastic move, spraying yourself with the gasoline nozzle, Zoolander-style, and then needing to rush to the nearest Wal-Mart to grab a new outfit because you are uncomfortably close to spontaneously bursting into fire. Trust me on this one. If you end up in a similar scenario, don't let it deter you.)

You then need to spend a hour or so picking blueberries with your Mother-in-law and your indentured servants...I mean, your children. It's lots of fun, you'll love it! If you want, you can let your Mother-in-law treat you and the serfs, I mean children (sorry, I can't stop myself!) to fresh berry-topped ice cream. This step is not necessary, but I highly recommend it.

Then - listen carefully - you need to go home and put some of those fresh, ripe blueberries into a big pot. Heat it up and throw in an apple (a good source of pectin) for good measure, if you're so inclined, then add some sugar so that you can enjoy the fruit of your labors all winter long. Cook it until it's nice and gooey, until it coats your spoon and runs off of it slowly like molasses. Making jam is easy! Honest! Then you need to ladle that hot, tantalizingly sweet syrup into jars, and boil it like crazy for about ten minutes.

When you're done, you'll know the secret. You can't bottle happiness.....but it is absolutely possible to can it.

There it is. Happiness in a can.

I think my camera lens was smudged, but I was so high on jam that I didn't notice until it was too late. Sorry.

Guess what else?

You can also can sunshine.

Mine was more sunset-y sunshine, because I used brown sugar in the peach jam instead of white. It's not as iridescent, but it's delicious.

I'm all about the taste.

It that doesn't convince you, here are a few more reasons why you need to make jam:
1- Your kids will think you are super-cool
2-Your house will smell amazing all day long
3-Stirring the bubbling pot of goodness really does feel like magic. It's the one scenario in life where it is not only acceptable but fitting to mutter aloud, "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble..."
4-You will feel like Meg March, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Anne Shirley, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and the Boxcar Children all at once.

And the most important point:
5-It's yummy.