An Open Letter to the Tooth Fairy

Okay, look.  It's time for you fairies to get it together.

You need a standard, and you need to stick to it.  If a dollar a tooth is the going rate, you need to understand that when you decide to make your particular children feel "special" by giving them ten dollars or a gift bag full of spa lotions or whatever...you are doing so at the expense of every other kid your child encounters, all of whom now feel like shit.

Yes, I just cursed.  I'm pretty ticked off, Tooth Fairy.  Seriously.  You might have an inferiority complex that is assuaged by showering your tiny charges with extravagant gifts, but it doesn't make you cool.  It makes you obnoxious. 

Plus, is that really how you want your own child to feel "special?"  Because they have more bling than the next kid?  Have you really thought this through, Tooth Fairy?  Because those simpering, talentless dolts on My Super Sweet Sixteen got their start somewhere.  Is this really where you want to go?

Yes, I'm a little bit bitter because my kids have a harried, overworked Tooth Fairy who has more than one set of teeth to cover, and can't pay out $10/tooth because she hopes to one day send her kids to college.  All of her kids need braces, too, and ironically the Tooth Fairy Union doesn't carry dental insurance.

You know what, though, I've had my say and I'm not going to sweat it any further.  We all know our Tooth Fairy loves our kids, even though it sometimes takes a day or two for her to get around to putting that measly dollar under the pillow.  Luckily, I haven't raised kids who need a lot of swag to know they are special.