Horror upon horror upon horror

Remember when a certain member of this family did this awful thing?  And then remember when she did this other awful thing?  Remember, too, this weird episode?

Why is Lucy so feral?  We ask ourselves this all the time.  I don't know the answer.

Things have been on the upswing since she was potty-trained a year ago, and although I still haven't replaced the hall bathroom rug (she sometimes over-shoots her mark if you get my drift, something I was not formerly aware was even possible with girls) I was starting to think that it might soon be safe.  However...

Actually, let me back up.

I sometimes buy Nutella for the girls to have with their morning toast or bagels.  They love it, but it can get messy.  I can only take cleaning up so many chocolaty messes, so it isn't a regular pantry item.  When we do have it, though, I can count on finding chocolate handprints on the doors, streaks around the bathroom sink (where they go to wash their hands after breakfast), all over the counters, the table, the chairs....You name it.

Okay, so back to Miss Lucy.  Can you see where this is headed?

I noticed brown marks all over the shower curtain one morning, and since it was a Nutella day I made the obvious assumption.  I took the curtain down and washed it, and for a few weeks all was well.  Then more marks appeared.  It was another Nutella day, so this time I was lazier (knowing that we had a good three days left until the Nutella jar ran out) and didn't bother taking it down for a while.

Then it happened again.  Only this time, there was no Nutella in the house.  I had a moment of doubt, but then I told myself - the girls had chocolate muffins today, surely it was just melted chocolate chips! It was a busy day so I didn't take the curtain down until the next morning.

That very  morning, with the still-damp shower curtain hanging, it happened again.  This time, though, the door was not closed and I was within viewing range.

I am sure you can guess what I witnessed.    I would really rather not spell out what I saw, if that's alright.  I am surprised that my eyes weren't actually seared blind by the sight.  Let's just put it this way, for those who don't have kids, or for those who have managed to raise their kids with civility:  the shower curtain is right beside the toilet.  Directly opposite the toilet paper roll, easily accessed by anyone sitting on the throne looking for alternatives.

I have heard of this thing happening before, but before it was always somebody else's kid.  I cannot believe that I made it through four girls only to get hammered like this with the fifth.  And I cannot believe that I ever thought a white shower curtain was a good idea.  Although, it does bleach well.  That's actually a pretty major plus, all things considered.

It all comes down to this:  this thought that I have so often, mostly in a joyful way, but sometimes...not so much:  I cannot believe that this is my life.

Seriously.  I cannot believe it.