One of the major benefits of having the older girls in school....

....is that the non sequiturs of Miss Lucy are easier to catch.

WARNING!  The second story in this post is pretty explicit.  I've actually put some thought into ways to clean it up, but there is no other way to convey the horror of that moment but to come out and say it.

1- Daddy's Girl

Not five minutes after the girls left on the bus this morning, Lucy sat down next to Ruth and I on the living room floor and said:

"So, Mommy, did you have to fight all the other girls so you could marry Daddy?"

"Fight the other girls?" I asked, not quite following.

"Yes," she said, "all the other girls wouldn't want to marry that other guy*, so did you fight them?"

I thought about it for a second, then answered,"Yes.  I had to fight all the other girls, and I won."

2- Thank God there were no men at the park!

Later that same morning, we were at the park when Lucy started digging through my diaper bag.
"Hey!" she yelled out, "You have jingle bells in here!"

I was blithely chatting with another mother and nodded in her general direction, not really paying attention, but she persisted.  "Try this!" she exclaimed, trying to get the attention of another little girl, "I can't get it to jingle."

I glanced at her, and then did an exact replica of a cartoon double-take.  I'm pretty sure my eyes literally bugged out of my head.  What Lucy was holding, what she had just unwrapped and taken out of my bag, what she was swinging wildly around and trying to give to other children was....a tampon.


3- Correct assessment of the situation

As we drove home, Lucy noticed a hitch-hiker on the side of the road.  "Is that a policeman?" she asked me, "Or just some random guy?"

* I don't know who "that other guy" is, but I'd be curious to meet him.