The sleeping-all-through-the-night dream is dead.
I shouldn't complain too much since Ruth usually only wakes up once, but she maximizes the torture by taking a solid hour to two hours to go back to sleep, and often by that time it isn't worth it for me to go back to bed before Katie needs to get up. I've regressed back into my Rip Van Winkle ways; if Chris gets up with the girls, or gets home early so that I can take a nap, I am quite literally dead to the world until somebody comes and physically wakes me up. I've lost the ability to wake up on my own.
The funny thing though is that, unlike the previous five times I've done this, all this sleep deprivation has not sucked out my will to live. I'm one of those people who really, really needs sleep and lots of it and that's not a trait that jives all that well with raising six kids. All flippancy aside, it has been a serious cross of mine for the past 11 years and one that has often left me in almost total despair. Imagine my surprise, then, when suddenly here I am, getting very little sleep, and I feel....just fine. Tired but otherwise okay, happy even.
How funny that the answer to my desperate prayers for more sleep are answered, not by getting more sleep, and not by needing less, but by....just not minding it so much. Can't explain it, but I'm not going to complain! It seems best to me to just accept it gratefully when a little mercy is thrown my way, in a way that I would never have thought was possible.
1 comment:
I have to say I'm so jealous, when I'm tired I'm pretty miserable for the rest of the day. I know what you mean about being dead to the world. The other day carter woke me up by pulling open my eye lids saying Mommy, why won't you talk to me? Apparently he had been talking to me trying to wake me up. Your kids are so hilarious, I laughed so hard at the sorry for the church craziness (of course not spelled "correctly.") Enjoy reading your blog!
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